Conflicted. This is how I felt when a friend emailed me the
invitation to climb Mt. Apo. I have climbed mountains before and I survived but
there was something about this invitation that scared and excited me
simultaneously. I was scared because although I have done this before, it was
never in this scale. I am not in any way athletic. I am not sickly but to call
me healthy is being very kind. The only reason that I did this sort of thing
before was that my friends are going and I often say yes to trips before asking
for details. True to form, I said yes. Something
about the prospect of travel and testing limits always gets me to say yes.
Before the climb
I can’t count the times that I changed my mind about the climb.
Some people basically told me that if I go, I'd die. It’s only for expert
climbers, they’d say. Of course, I
thought they were right. I just didn’t admit it. Plus, they forgot one little
detail about me: When people say I can’t do something, I’d risk life and limb
just to prove those people wrong.
So I began to put a little effort into jogging every other
day to prepare my legs. Arthritis runs in the family. But every other day became
every week and then every other week before I forgot about it. As for the team
and I we made 2 practice climbs on shorter mountains to prepare. This sums up
my physical preparation. The rest of the time I was trying to convince myself
that I will make it, somehow.
During the climb
From Davao, we needed get to the foot of the mountain by a
dump truck. I don’t have any qualms about riding a vehicle with no seats until
we got to the really bumpy parts of the road where I was almost sure that the
truck would somersault. It didn’t help that the trip started at 12 midnight and
I couldn’t see anything.
It was still dark when the trek started. The trail was damp
but it was at the beginning of the trek so we were still talking and laughing.
A couple of hours in, the laughing got lesser and I was just talking to myself
in my head. What was I trying to prove? Can I still get out of this? Why am I
punishing myself?
The trail to Mount Apo was not all pain, actually it was
amazing. It took us two days to reach the peak. We trekked through rivers,
climbed boulders, inhaled sulfur and bathed in a freezing lake. It was tough
but when you are in the middle of nowhere, the only way to go is forward and
the best words you’ll ever hear are ‘Take five!’
Day one they said was the easier part. According to our more
experienced companions, day one was the safer,
more relaxed trail. I wasn’t sure what they meant because I ripped my pants on
day one trying to jump over a fallen tree. It was reinforced with duct tape and
I was sporting that through steep climbs and rivers. When it was almost dark
out, we set up camp at Mt Godi-Godi.
Day two aka the challenging part proved to be just that:
challenging. We climbed through boulders and to the sulfur side of the
mountain. Masks are required and some eyewear because sulfur hurts your lungs
and eyes. Along the road there were those little wild berries which we
distracted ourselves with collecting. They were good too.
The peak was the best part. It was difficult to get out of
the tent because it was freezing. Coffee
and Milo, they tasted so much better when your fingers are shaking along with
pretty much the rest of your body. This is tricky though because as you can
imagine, there were no toilets. You have to get sneaky and creative.
We spent the night at the peak telling stories and
discovering that we lead different lives, believe in different things and come
from different places but at the core, people are people. We all have stories
to share. We even tell them in different
ways but each one is valuable.
We had to wake up really early the next morning to watch the
sunrise. I almost passed up on this but since I was already there, I took the
30 minute walk with everybody else. Nature
did not disappoint. To this day, I have never seen a sight so beautiful.
Imagine yourself perched up at the top of a mountain with blankets of clouds on
your feet greeted by a spectrum of colors. I was in awe, proud that I am a part
of this big beautiful world. I felt wonderfully small.
When the destination is too far away, the thought of giving
up always walks with you. Pain and exhaustion, they have a way of convincing
you to get mad, to distract you from the wonderful things that you should be
taking in. When you are struggling it is hard to see anything else other than
the struggle. The good thing about trudging the uncomfortable road to your destination
with friends is that they ask you if you are okay. It’s a small thing but it
does a lot. You look at them and recognize the struggle in their faces and realize
that you are not alone. They joke about pain and exhaustion and that reminds
you that these things are real and when you just accept them as a natural part
of your reality they become less powerful. Friends remind you to take another
step.
After the climb
When we reached the end of the trail, I was in disbelief. My
body would prove that I really did put myself through all that but my mind was
still blown away. The way the journey changed me is this: It has affirmed all
the positive things that I believed in. It made me realize that sometimes
strength from within is made stronger when you open yourself up to
possibilities. When you stop and appreciate that you are a part of a big and
mighty world, everything else like fear, pride and insecurities become smaller.
When I came back home, I was in a world of muscle pain. But
from time to time, I'd smile to myself thinking of the mountains that I have
just conquered. I have climbed the country's highest peak and I have conquered
my mountains of doubts and insecurities. I smile to myself knowing that I have
a list of things that I regret not doing but there was this moment when I got a
little brave and took another step. I now know that I can be brave.
There are a lot of steps that we can refuse to take: Not
climbing a mountain, not hearing someone out, not kissing someone, not fighting
for something you believe in or not speaking your mind. It could be anything. The
beauty of life is that it continually shows us paths so we always have a chance
at it. It also places people along the way to ask you if you are okay.
So walk, breathe, smile, run, swim, leap, fly. Take a step. Adventure really is out there.
